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run2miles4life
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Name: Tynisha
Birthday: 6/21/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: I LOVE MUSIC!!!! Music is my passion, the air I breathe, it is what I live for. Everything in my life is music. I love R&B and also hiphop, but mostly R&B. I am influenced by such forces like Earth Wind and Fire, Alicia Keys, Beyonce, John Legend, Norah Jones, etc. and I'm very eclectic. I do gymnastics. It hurts a lot. I love to read. I LOVE taking pictures. I am that person thats always snapping at tha parties that everyone wants to stop. I get it from my dad. My sister is my best friend, and I'm married 2 emilio brown
Expertise: Doin bad in school and pissing off my coaches. Also keeping a guy from staying with me for more than 2mos. (My personal favorite).
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  run2miles4life
Member Since:
11/23/2004
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| So a year later I read what i put up on here... that was stupid to take my scholarship LOL. its funny at this point. Everyone is so sensitive. Oh well. Now that i think of it I felt that way. It was just pretty violent the way i described it LOL. Everyone needs to vent sometimes. Even if you are crazy at the moment. Im not crazy now... i think i have my job for next year!!!! YEAH!!!! And if the money comes through for me... IM GOING TO HAIR SCHOOL!!!!! I love life... And my boyfriend. I love him so much. I love his flaws. I just want us to move to Canada =). LOL.
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| To those that I hurt with my last entry:
Although this is a private space that I do use for venting, I made this space public when i chose to place a link to it where it could be easily accessed... For that I apologize. My private thoughts tend to be very angry and resentful at times and the fact that I made it possible for anybody to see them is incorrect. I did so in a blind rage which I expect nobody to understand. Bluntly, I apologize for those whose feelings I hurt and also for picking an improper channel to do so...
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| ummmm im dropping outta the university... thats all there is to it.
oh... im also gay.
bye.
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| I am at emilios 2nite... wondering about myself... searching myself... looking for some answers... I went to church last night and i felt so at home for once, like I belonged there... like Jesus was sittin next to me chillin out. I wish I could fix alot about myself... for instance my need for physical affection... I dont want to have that kind of handicap anymore. I have been getting better at staying alone at night, but while im there its not so much that I'm scared anymore its just that i dont wanna be by myself... Sucks.
The whole alex thing is weighing on me pretty bad too... i didnt think id find someone crazier than me. As a matter of fact, i think seeing him be the way he is has made me realize that im not that bad... at all. I think that it has made me grow a little too, to have 2 be strong for someone else. I think that has made me be stronger for myself. I realized that I NEVER want 2 be a burden to someone I love. EVER. My past and the fact that its crept up on me cant keep me from being as amazing as I'm supposed to be... nor can it keep me from feeling amazing about someone and having them being enamored with me just the same.
And now... that leads me to my next point... I've gotten another chance with a guy and Ive tried so hard to do things exactly right. Everything... I just hope that I get something meaningful out of it. Or even nothing at all. The whole ex girlfriend thing is coming into play though. Whats up with exs? Why dont guys ever stop talking to them before they get involved with me??? I really feel like Im worth that... and usually I am a better human than the person they are trippin off of. Oh well... i just dont feeel like getting my heart broken again. Maybe I should just chill? I mean I cant help it that guys try to talk 2 me hahahaha. No really though... This guy is really sweet. I havent played the clingy game with him either. Ive tried really hard to leave him alone alot, and I only come over when he asks me to. Especially since he gets so tired every other day. I mean that is human right. To get tired. He did the same thing with his ex girlfriend and she didnt understand it... Not everyone has an insurmountable amount of energy like I do... Nobody really likes to stay up so late like I do. And not everyone gets clingy like I do... and needs all this attention. Who knows... maybe this guy really does like me. I think he does... the way he touches me, the way he kisses me, the way he looks at me for a second when I cheese too hard... I dunno, I feel wanted i guess. Hes a cutie. Who knows... Things are getting better tho...
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| So... here i am in my scary ass apartment gorging on honeycomb (which after years of absence from my life was simply AMAZING), alone, tired, lacking in something to do or someone to hold on, and wishing that I could go home. I dont want to be here in Morgantown. I dont want to do gymnastics. I dont want to look at Joannas face. I dont want 2 see my best friend doing knee exercises anymore, I dont want 2 be around all these damn white people, and I dont want to be away from Alex.
As selfish as it may sound, I am so pissed that I have 2 finish out my senior year without Emilio in the gym runnin around. Its not fair, why couldnt someone with a bad double full get hurt. She wanted it way more than I ever have and I just wish sometimes it couldve been me. I cant look at her 2 see if she saw what I saw cuz she might be in the training room. I'm scared to talk 2 her about stuff in the gym because i dont wanna rub in anything, Its just not the same anymore. I hate seeing Joannas face because I feel like all she thought was one down, 4 more to go... she doesnt give a fuck about anything. And on these travel meets I just wanna shoot myself. I had to be fucking Z's roommate this weekend and although there is nothing mean about the poor girl i almost lost it from being stared out. Joanna did that shit on purpose. FUCK! Liz isnt there to keep my mouth shut... oh I swear I love that girl. Emilio isnt gonna be there. The gym is just not the same and I just wanna get out.
The other crazy thing is that I finally found someome to be interested in and he is just as messed up as I am, maybe worse. What do 2 fucking crazy people look like tryin 2 make things work. I just pray that eventually love will be all that we need... My parents always tell me taking it to the next level with a best friend is usually the better plan. I just hope that they are right. I am falling apart inside for no apparent reason and to lose the only person in my life that makes me feel that I am normal and without a flaw would be tragic. He is the only one that makes it ok for me to be me. I dont feel like an endangered species around him.
Speaking about it being ok to be me, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why dont people look up to me as a person? Why doesnt anyone value my company? People have little quotes on their facebook pages from other ppl... why dont people write down stuff I say LOL. I mean I dunno. I feel soooo alone in morgantown. SO alone. Nobody here understands me. Nobody here cares about me. Nobody here thinks highly of me. I have to work my ass off to get the credit i deserve in anything... I just want to be wanted and cherished... I feel lately that if I just dissapeared nobody would even notice. Nobody would care. They may even laugh. oh well. goodnight
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